What’s been getting to me the past few weeks, is the amount of emails, blog posts and friends that I’ve read or spoken to that put such a HUGE emphasis on the ‘importance of being in a relationship’. Let me tell you something, I have been completely single for 2.5 years. By choice. I’ve dated a few times, but was never truly interested. But much to my surprise, I seem to be one of the few people who is genuinely happy on their own and not feel the need to constantly be with someone. As a result, I have focused on myself and my family for the past 30 months. During this time my career and skills have gotten a great boost, I’ve spent more time with friends and my brothers, I’ve saved a lot more money and I couldn’t be more comfortable in my own company.
Everyone, male or female, should spend some time on their own. You first HAVE to be happy in your OWN company, or how do you expect any one else to be? I am a bit of a loner, I always have been. I don’t need many friends and I can easily spend a week on my own, reading books, watching films, writing… But when people become aware of this, EVERY single one of them have said:
“You need a boyfriend.”
“You should have a boyfriend.”
“Why are you single?”
This drives me nuts. Being in a relationship is NOT the be-all and end-all of life. Sure, love is amazing. Sharing everything with someone who really and truly gets you is wonderful. But it isn’t everything. I’ve been in one proper relationship in my life; it lasted 3 years. We were best friends as well as boyfriend and girlfriend. But when it came to the end, I had a sudden, hard realisation that I’d been so wrapped up in being in that partnership, that I’d missed out on friends, holidays, meeting new people and so much more. Love is about balance and I think it’s incredibly difficult to achieve.
I have dreams and wishes and hopes. I want to buy a new camera and take pictures whilst travelling around the world. I want to spend at least a month in San Francisco, work with wild cats and maybe live in Edinburgh at some point in time. I plan on doing these things. If I’m single, then great. If I’m in a relationship, then that’s okay too. But my point is that just because you’ve found someone or are in a relationship already, your dreams SHOULDN’T change. They might develop to include your new partner, but don’t disregard them completely. You’ll look back on life and regret it.
Don’t listen to other people who tell you that you NEED to have a boyfriend or girlfriend. You don’t. Spend time with yourself, enjoy your own company and do daring things alone. Write a list of things you’ve always wanted to do in life, and do them! By all means, have people you depend on, like family, but to be truly independent AND happy, is a gift. I’m independent and I’m certainly getting closer to being really happy. I know that when I get there, it’ll show and make a huge difference to my life. I’ve grown as an individual and at some point in the future, near or far, someone really special and wonderful (& gorgeous, of course) will come along. I refuse to accept anything less.
And you know what? People need to recognise that happiness CAN be achieved when you’re single. Of course it can. But PLEASE don’t listen to the people who tell you you’re alone. You’re NEVER alone. A guy I knew (emphasis on ‘knew’) told me today ‘Hey, if no one loves you today, then no one loves you on the other 364 days of the year either’. What utter RUBBISH.
Whether you spend today on your own, with family, or your partner or a friend – do something for YOU. Dress up, bake, buy yourself something special. Because I believe Valentine’s should be about celebrating love. All kinds of love.
And hey. If you’re sitting at home, or at work feeling sad or lonely. Don’t. Just because it’s not happening now, doesn’t mean it never will. Good things come to those who wait.
Regardless of your ‘status’ I salute you. Take at least a minute today to remind yourself how awesome you are and that you love yourself. THAT, is what today should be about. Look forward to knowing you will meet someone truly deserving, but in the meantime, be happy knowing you’re already in the presence of greatness.